A Reason
by arizona4ever
Summary: Dr. Arizona Robbins has been working at SGMW for a week when she gets on a plane to Idaho for a patient. The plane crashes and she survives, but loses her leg. Months into her recovery, she comes face to face with Dr. Callie Torres. She had only heard rumors of Callie and wanted to get to know her. That was before the accident. But everything happens for a reason, right?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

_I remember the day I first saw Calliope like it was yesterday. Back then, I thought it was the only good thing that happened that day. That day changed my life. For a long time I thought that it changed my life for the worse. I didn't know who I was after that day; I was lost, hurt, broken. It's funny though...in retrospect, what could easily be deemed the worst day of my life, actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I can now see the silver lining that came from that fateful day. And who knows what would be if that day didn't go the way it did, but I honestly couldn't picture my life now any different than it is. And for as much pain and sorrow came from that day, I believe that just as much, if not more, happiness resulted as well. After all, everything happens for a reason._

I am literally having the day from Hell. On my way to a very early morning shift I had spilt coffee on my scrubs and had to change into my extra pair that was way too big for me. I glance in the mirror and took note of how silly I looked in the baggy clothes...but they would have to do. I sigh as I gather my stuff, put on my white coat and head out to do my morning rounds.

There were twins in Idaho that needed a complicated surgery done, requiring multiple surgeons with different specialties, and since they were babies, that included me. A few surgeons were supposed to go to get them and bring them back here to Seattle Grace Mercy West. I had requested that my resident go in my place because I really do not like flying. All was fine and good until I got called this morning. Something came up and the resident was unable to make the trip to Idaho, and since someone from the Paeds department had to go, that meant I had to. So I got out of bed and made my way to the hospital so I can check up on my patients before the plane took off.

I start making my way to Chrissie's room, a seven-year old patient of mine. She just had her appendix removed and was recovering from the surgery. She has a special spot in my heart, even though I know I should keep my distance. I can't help it though; she really reminds me of me. Spunky and very happy.

"Hello Dr. Robbins!" she greets me as I roll in.

"What's up Chrissie?" I ask her. "How are you feeling on this fine morning?" I inquire as I glance at her chart; all looks good.

"I feel soo much better. Mom just left to get me some pudding. Do you like pudding? I love pudding. Especially chocolate. Chocolate is the best. I think if my mom would let me, I would eat chocolate _all_ the time...because it's just that good. Sometimes I really want vanilla, but once I get it, I usually wish I had gotten chocolate instead. Do you ever do that?" I laugh as she talks a mile a minute. I have no idea where she gets the energy, but I like it. It's not often my patients are so talkative after a procedure.

"I know what you mean. Chocolate is the _best_ thing ever!" I answer enthusiastically. "I would eat it all the time too, but then I'm afraid there'd be none left for everyone else!"

She giggles, "Arizona, that's just silly. You can never run out of chocolate. There's more at the store!"

I laugh at her logic; after all, she makes a very good point. I continue to check her vitals. Her mom soon walks in and gives Chrissie the chocolate pudding. I talk to her for a few minutes and catch her up on how her daughter is doing, before I have to leave and talk to the next kid. "I'll see you later Chrissie! I've got to get on a plane to see another patient soon, so I won't be the one checking on you for evening rounds." I smile at her. "But don't worry, the doctor that's coming instead of me has already been informed that to gain entrance, he must bring you some pudding."

"Chocolate?" she challenges.

"Chocolate." I confirm with a nod. She grins at me. "See you later kiddo!" and with that, I leave her room. It doesn't take me very long to finish my rounds and I make my way to the nurses' area to get some paperwork to do while on the plane. I think that it might help distract me from my nerves once I get on the plane. Distractions are always useful.

As I approach the desk, I hear the nurses mumbling. I had never been in a hospital that gossiped as much as this one and I've been in a lot of hospitals. I know that gossip isn't the most reliable source of information, but I can't help but feel that I know a lot about the doctors who already work here; working out what's true, however, is an entirely different story. I shudder at the thought of what's being said about me. I know they have minimal details about me, but I can't help but wonder. Once I reach them, I start to go about my business collecting some charts, and a few journals. Now I can hear them clear as day. I make sure to pretend not to be listening. I know it's below me, but eavesdropping is just too easy. Again, their gossip seems to be centered on a Dr. Torres. Dr. Torres intrigued me. All the gossip about her I've heard so far was said with sympathy, like they truly felt sorry for her and cared for her a great deal. And from what I gathered, _Erica_ (whoever that was), seemed to be the cause of Dr. Torres' grief. Once I heard that, I couldn't help but get my hopes up. Perhaps Dr. Torres was a lesbian like me; maybe we could be friends... or more. Though I had also heard mentions of a George and Izzy...I had hoped that George was just a friend or something. Whatever the case may be, Dr. Torres piqued my interest; I want to meet her. I try to listen to what the nurses are saying this time, hoping to get a hint of who she is and where I can find her. I frown when I get nothing but the same stuff I've already heard. She must really be something to have the support of the gossipy nurses behind her.

I look up and see someone I recognize, and was hoping I wouldn't see again anytime soon. Colleen or something...she's a scrub nurse…I think. I don't really remember. Oops… I look around quickly, seeing if there is any way I could avoid an encounter with the woman. However, it looks like fate is not on my side. Damn it. She makes eye contact with me and starts walking in my direction. I put on my best smile, getting ready to put her down gently.

"Arizona! Hi!" she exclaims once she catches up with me. "How are you doing?" I glance down to my arm where she placed her hand while talking with me. Well this isn't going to be fun.

"Colleen! Hey. I'm doing alright; and you?" I ask; her hand dropping from my arm as I turn my back to her to put the chart I was looking at away. Not the most subtle thing, but hopefully it will get the point across...

"I'm doing really well!" she leans in closer to me and whispers "And I uh...I _really_ enjoyed the other night."

Crap. I look at her with an easy smile on my face. "That's good...I'm glad." I cringe at how awkward I sound.

"Yeah...So, I was wondering...would you like to do it again sometime soon? Maybe even do dinner before hand?" she asks me. I look at her and feel just a brief moment of quilt for what I'm about to do...but it quickly goes away. I just don't date, at least not right now.

"Um, well. I don't think so. Don't get me wrong, we had a great night and I'm super flattered you'd like to go out with me, like _super,_ but...umm, I don't date." I see her face fall. Drat. "I mean it though, you and I had a great night, but that's all it was. A night. And you're an amazing person, and I know you'll find someone to make you very happy, but it just won't be me." I glance at her, her face showing some hurt and even some anger. My pager goes off. I have never been more relieved to hear that annoying beep. "I'm sorry," I tell her as I turn and walk away. I let out a breath. The page wasn't an emergency...but she didn't know that. It was actually a page for the doctors to start making their way to the entrance so we can get ready to leave for Idaho. Yippee.

I still have fifteen minutes, so I decide to head down to the pit. Maybe someone will have a kid that's hurt so bad that I'll be forced to stay here and _not_ get on a plane. God, what the Hell is wrong with me? I shouldn't wish that upon a tiny human...I'm going to Hell for sure. I reach the pit and just take it in. This hospital is really good. It reaffirms that my decision to accept the job here was a great one. As I'm looking around, standing in front of the desk, I take notice of a beautiful Latina. She is absolutely breath-taking. She seems to be doing well with the patient; her smile is magical. It looks like the patient has a dislocated shoulder or something. I watch as her hands pop it back into place with ease. My god, those hands must be strong...I wonder what else they'd be good at…my mind starts to wander to her and me on my bed, her spread out underneath me in all her naked glory, moaning my na…

"Like what you see?" I must have stared longer than I should because I'm disturbed from my daydream by a tall, dirty-blond, man. He has a smug smirk on his face. I'd really like to slap it off his face.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." I say, avoiding eye contact with him. I can't believe I was caught drooling...that's embarrassing.

Both our pagers go off, and I'm actually quite happy, thinking I can finally get away from the guy who caught me. However, as I leave, he starts to leave too, right behind me. Great. I keep glancing at him and he keeps following me. I just shrug it off. Maybe his page was in the same general direction. At least I won't be here much longer. That was the final page; it's time for us all to meet out front. He's still behind me as we arrive at the entrance of the hospital, and it dawns on me. I cringe as he starts talking to me, confirming my new understanding.

"You coming to Idaho too, Blondie?" the man asks, with a huge grin on his face. He knows I'm humiliated about being caught and isn't going to let me forget any time soon. And just my luck...he's coming on this damn trip. "I'm Mark Sloan. Head of Plastics," he sticks his hand out and I shake it. Go figure...he looks like he'd be in plastics; touching and readjusting boobs and butts all day...come to think about it, why didn't I go into plastics again…?

"Arizona Robbins. New head of pediatrics," I say, trying to be polite. Maybe he isn't so bad. At least I'll kind of know someone getting on this plane with me. He smiles. Yeah…I'm just bitter because he called me on drooling over the hot Latina. I decide to give him a chance. No harm in that, right?

"So, I already know not to try anything with you...unless you swing both ways?" he inquires, and I can detect an ounce of hope in his voice. I laugh at him, is he serious? I stare at him, trying to figure out how he meant those words. I see nothing but good humor in his grey-blue eyes. In fact, he kind of reminds me of me. Forward when it comes to women and gets straight to the point. I guess I can respect that.

"Nope, not a chance. I don't do penis; never have, never will" I declare, though I smile to let him know I don't mind his brazenness. He nods at me, grinning.

"Well, if you ever change your mind…" he lets it trail off. I can tell he's just teasing me and I chuckle and shake my head at him.

We both turn our attention to the Chief who's talking about what's going on and what's going to happen. After his talk, everyone gets their bags and we start to head to the airport. The ride is quick and I mostly just stare out the window. Once we get there, Mark and I board together. I not sure if I should sit next to him or not, but he answers my question by patting the seat next to him. I take a seat, putting my carry on at my feet. I buckle my seat belt and adjust it tightly. I start to look around the plane, taking in all the emergency exits and the other safety features.

"Nervous flyer?" he questions, taking in my bouncing leg and nervous twitch.

I let out an uneasy laugh, "You could say that."

"Why so worried? People fly in planes all the time."

"We are in a very, very, heavy _metal_ box that is about to go thousands of feet in the air. This is just a glorified coffin in my opinion. I do not like flying, and if that resident of mine wasn't a turd face…Karev or something, I wouldn't be flying in this metal coffin." I say as I grip the arms of my chair when I feel the plane start to move.

"I see," he says. I look at Mark and he gives me an understanding smile. He offers his hand to me. "You can hold my hand while we take off if you'd like…"

I give him a genuine smile, dimples popping and everything. I take his offered hand and close my eyes. I lean my head back and squeeze his hand hard as the plane picks up speed and starts to rise into the air. I hate this part. The turbulence is awful and I'm lucky to keep the contents of my stomach down. Good thing I only had some coffee this morning.

When the plane evens out, and we're safely in the air, I give Marks hand a small squeeze in thanks before letting go.

"So. You like my friend Callie, huh?" Mark smirks at me.

"Callie…?" I ask, tilting my head, trying to remember if I know a Callie. God, I hope I didn't sleep with his friend or something…because I'll probably end up turning her down if she offers again.

"Yeah. You know. The tall, curvy, sexy, Latina you were drooling over… Her name is Calliope Torres." His face falls. "Callie, I meant Callie. Don't you dare tell her I told you her name is Calliope!"He exclaims in a slight panic. However, soon he's laughing when he notices the change my face must make when it dawns on my Dr. Torres is the sexy Latina. I love my life. "You know, you're about as bad as me. Do better with descriptions than names."

I blush a tad bit…it is true. I don't really do committed relationships. Though, I must say, now that I have a face with the name of one _Dr. Torres_, I'm starting to question that decision. She seems like someone I wouldn't mind getting to know. "Yeah…she's pretty beautiful." I convey. I wonder if she's gay…

"You know, if you want to take a stab at it, she goes both ways," he winks at me.

I smile broadly. That's some information I could certainly use. I face forward, digesting this new information. I bet I could get her to go on a date with me. Get to know her…maybe she'd be worth getting to know. She certainly seems like she would be. Hell, I wanted to get to know her before I even knew she was a Latin bombshell. And her name. Calliope. Calliope Torres. It is an absolutely gorgeous name and suites her very well. Yeah, when we get back to Seattle Grace Mercy West I'm going to track her down and get her to go out with me and then maybe she can show me exactly how strong her hands are…

"But, Callie's special, so don't you dare try something with her if you're going to bed her and forget her. I'm telling you this, because you seem to be a lot like me. I also know that for the right woman, I would put all that behind me. In fact, I've actually plans to propose to my girlfriend Lexi when we get back," I smile at that. Good for him! He looks me in the eyes and continues "Callie was the one that said I was good for more than just sex. She has an amazing heart, so don't take advantage of that." The look on his face is very serious. All I think is Callie _must_ be incredible if she has so many people looking out for her.

I beam back at Mark. I think it's great that he's looking out for her. He actually reminds me a lot of my brother in some ways. I nod at him, "Thank you for the information, and you're a really great person, a great _friend_, to be looking out for her best interest," I remark with sincerity.

He smiles at me. We get into an easy conversation about SGMW and he catches me up on the real or not gossip. I can't help but think this is the most at ease I've ever been while on a plane. I smile at that thought; maybe planes aren't that bad…


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: This chapter is kind of Dark and Twisty, just a warning.**

Chapter Two

_**About 2 Months Later**_

_Anger. Humiliation. Irritation. Grief. Sorrow. Desperation. Fear. Disgust. Guilt. Pain. Those ten words are all that's left of me._

_I feel so much anger. Anger for anything and everything. At the world, my parents, my doctors, myself. The pathetic excuse of a doctor that decided to cut off my leg. The resident that should have been on the plane instead of me._

_And oh my GOD, the humiliation. I am a grown ass, thirty-three year old, independent woman and I can barely do ANYTHING for myself. For weeks I had to either ask for help to go to the bathroom or piss myself, which someone else would have to clean up. I've gotten more mobile, but only just. Crutches and a wheel chair. Crutches take a lot of energy and I'm slow and bulky in a chair. I can't drive; instead I must have someone drive me. I have to ask help for the things I can't reach. I can't even stand on my crutches long enough to cook a meal, since I can't stand on my own two feet, because I only have one foot. I can't easily get around my room, never mind my apartment. Most days I'm lucky to get from my bed to my chair. No more running, no more wheelie sneaks. Everyone looks at me with pity, and I feel weak. Humiliated at my dependence on others._

_I get tense with irritation anytime someone enters my room. I cannot stand my parents or Teddy. Everything they say and do sends me over the edge. My parents treat me like I'm broken. Like their precious daughter is no longer whole, and with one breath may break even more. They never get mad at me, no matter what I say, which just irritates me more. Why can't they treat me like their daughter? I can't stand that they take care of me again, and I can't stand that they have to. And Teddy...she was my friend. Now she's another caretaker. Everyone's offering to do everything for me, even the things I can do on my own. I'm not that pathetic. I can still do some things. I don't want their help._

_There are also times I break down in grief. I lost my leg, a potential friend, and my brother. My leg was a part of me. It was something that, added to the rest of my body and soul, made me, _me_. And it's not there anymore. It's just gone. Somewhere in a medical waste bin. Mark. Mark was such a nice man. I really think that we could have had a special friendship. We had a lot in common and he reminded me of my brother. My brother. Timothy... My brother, whom I lost five months before the plane crashed. A man I was grieving when my world came crashing down...literally. I'm still grieving my best friend on top of all this shit._

_When I'm alone, I get over come with sorrow. I feel so much sadness for those in the wreck. The young woman who lost her life, Heather Brooks, was just an intern. I can still hear the wolves devouring her at night while I sleep. As well as for the others on the plane that have to suffer the consequences for something we never asked for... And sorrow for myself. Sorrow that I have to go through this. That this happened to me. I saved children for fuck sake! Why did this happen to me...? I feel an overwhelming sadness when I'm alone, _only_ when I'm alone, so no one else can see me crumble._

_I get weighed down in my desperation constantly. I am dying for things to go back to the way they were. I just want to do what I used to do so bad; to sprint, run, roll with my wheelie sneaks…hell, if I could just walk it would be great. I'm desperate for people to understand I don't mean the words I yell; desperate for people to understand I'm not who I used to be, and that that person will probably never come back. Most of all, I'm desperate to feel human again. Though I wonder if I ever will._

_I fear so much now... I fear the night. I fear hearing the screams. I fear seeing the blood. So much blood. Everywhere. I fear hearing the wolves. I fear feeling the plane start to shake and the drop in my stomach as we plummeted from the sky into the wilderness. I fear watching my leg as it slowly got infected, filling with bugs and dirt. I fear feeling cold. Unable to turn up the heat or add another blanket. Most of all, I fear the dark. When I know the nightmares will get me and I have to live my reality over and over again. Because this is a nightmare I won't wake up from._

_I am disgusting. I can't even look at myself. My stub is disgusting. I can't even think about it without wanting to throw up. I'm gross. I don't shower as much because it can be difficult and I hate asking for help. I don't want people to stare at the stub. I'm pale, a sickly white color versus the healthy glow I had before. I've lost weight and am now all skin and bones. No one could ever think of me as attractive. How could they? I used to be hot and awesome. I could have any girl I wanted. Now I'm sure they'd cringe at the site of me. After all, I cringe at the site of me, and it's my body. My disgusting, unappealing, ugly body. _

_I can start to feel myself drowning in quilt. I feel a devastating sense of guilt to all the people who are trying to help me, but instead of getting my gratitude, they get my rage. I know they didn't ask for it anymore than I did, but I have so much anger and it has to go somewhere. I feel guilty about my parents and Teddy relocating just to accommodate me. I feel guilty asking for help, knowing that my parents were supposed to be done taking care of children. I feel guilty for the dark thoughts that go through my head. I feel guilty thinking about making my parents lose a second child before their time._

_Most of all, I am pain. Unbearable pain. Everywhere. My leg. Or should I say stub? It hurts. It hurts so badly. My body hurts. The infection I had before they amputated really made recovery longer and harder than most cases. My heart hurts. My mind hurts. Everything hurts. Some things aren't even physical. The pain is so bad, I wonder if it would be better if I didn't exist. I try to stop those horrible thoughts... Though sometimes? Sometimes, they creep in and I just can't stop them. I could never act on them though...at least, I don't think I could._

My life has become a living Hell. I think of the promise I made Mark in the woods. It's the only thing that keeps me going when I'm feeling my worst, and right now is definitely one of those times. Though, reflecting on exactly what that promise entails, I also know that it will be a while before I gain the courage to go through with it. I want to be able to do it by myself, standing. Not from a bed or a chair. The promise isn't much...but it was a promise none the less, and I'm Arizona Robbins. Robbins' keep promises.

I glance at the clock and see that it's nearing midnight. I cringe at the thought of tomorrow. Tomorrow I have another appointment for this stump, only this time is different. They're going to get me fitted for a prosthetic. Which is a terrifying thought...though, on the bright side (if you can call it that), at least my stub will be covered.

I've been preparing for this fitting since I came home. I have to take care of my limb, make sure it doesn't get infected...because heaven forbid I lose anymore body parts. I have to keep it as straight as possible. I give an awkward smile at that thought; I never considered a part of me as straight before. My smile soon turns to a look of disgust, as I stare at the altered part of my body. Looking at it I wonder why I'm trying so hard...it's not like it will magically become attractive and women will be jumping at the chance to be with me again. I shake those thoughts and instead consider all the exercises I have to do, some of which are rather painful. I usually do them by myself. My parents offered to help me, but I hate people staring at me and touching me, so I turned them down. I'd just assume do it by myself. Plus, if they're not in the room with me, there's a lesser chance I'll yell at them. Teddy however, doesn't take no for an answer and always helps me, especially for the ones that are too challenging to do on my own. I roll my eyes at the thought of Teddy and her 'no nonsense' attitude. I feel a twinge of quilt at the fact that we don't talk. At least, _I _don't talk. But I don't even know where to start if I wanted to. Do I just pretend like I haven't been the crazy bitch from Hell? Do I apologize? Do I do the first and then once things are semi-normal apologize? And how could she forgive me? I don't think I could stand it if she couldn't forgive me. Sometimes her tough love is all that gets through to me and don't think I'd still be here without her...I find myself frowning at the thought of Teddy not being there when I was found.

It has been almost two months since the crash. Five days in the wilderness thinking I was going to die out there. Two and a half weeks in the hospital. Five days refusing amputation until I was too sick to make the call. Thirteen days recovering from the infection and learning the exercises and cleaning procedure for my stub. It helped that I was a doctor and already knew most of the process. Luckily I didn't lose my medical knowledge when I lost my leg... After learning about my stub, I remember getting ready to move back to my apartment. I wince at the memory of my parents moving in with me for a couple of weeks until Teddy was able to transfer to SGMW as temporary head of cardio. Teddy has been in the spare bedroom since. She left her job, moved across the country, and moved in with the mega-bitch I've turned into. And even though mom and dad moved out, they found a permanent residence in Seattle, claiming they were planning to move anyway. I don't believe them. Maybe once upon a time they had planned on moving, but I know better. I roll my eyes at the thought. They had actually been settled in one place for several years. 'Planning on moving' my ass.

I look at the clock again. Well, I made it through another day. It is twelve o'clock in the morning and I've laid here on my bed for two hours now, staring at the ceiling, thinking about everything and anything. I'd never admit it, but I'm terrified about tomorrow...or would it be today? Ehh...semantics. Anyway, a prosthetic just makes it so...real. Once I get measured there's a one hundred percent chance that I will never get my leg back. I mean, I know I wouldn't anyway, it's in a dumpster rotting somewhere, but a prosthetic makes it official. I know it's going to hurt, and that I still have a long recovery ahead of me, which scares me too. What if I can't make it? What if I'm only setting myself up for failure? I continue in this downward spiral, preferring it, as opposed to the terrors sleep will bring me.

I sigh and turn my head to the left and look at the wall. I stare at the light shining on my wall from my night-light. As embarrassing as it is, I can't sleep without it. When I sleep and the nightmares wake me up, it helps ground me and reminds me I'm not in the woods anymore. I'm able to look around my room and see that I'm home. I just lay there and stare at the light glow. You know what, screw what others might think, it's a pretty damn cool night-light. It flickers like a candle. How awesome is that? The flickering puts me in a sort of trance as I watch the light dance on the wall. I keep staring, and though I try to fight it, I eventually succumb to sleep…

_I'm laughing at the joke Mark just told me. He's really an okay guy. The plane jerks and I grab hold of his hand. He squeezes it back and tells me everything will be okay. I give him a small smile that soon disappears. The plane is shaking. I don't ever remember turbulence this bad and I'm starting to freak out. The other doctors are looking at me with strange faces. They seem a little nervous too, and I seem to be making it worse. The plane drops all of a sudden, making a few of us shout. The next thing I know we're falling from the sky. We're headed to the ground at an incredible speed and all I can do is scream. Mark's trying to hold on to me, but I'm freaking out too much. I think of my patients. Was Chrissie eating chocolate pudding right now?. I think of my parents. Are they really going to lose the only child they have left? So soon after losing the first? I think about Callie. I think about how I would have taken her to a nice restaurant and how I would have gotten to know her. If I really liked her, I would have waited to sleep with her even. I would do things right. As we're nearing the ground I think of Tim. I wonder if I'm going to see him soon. I stop screaming, a sudden calm comes over me; I want to die brave…like Tim. The world goes black. _

I wake up trenched in sweat and panting. I look at the light flickering in my room and remind myself where I'm at. I'm in Seattle, Washington. I'm in my apartment on the fourth floor, room 406. I'm in my bedroom, lying on my bed. Safe under the covers. I start taking deep breaths. In through my nose out through my mouth and repeat. I do this several times before my breathing finally calms down to a normal rate. God damn it, I just want a good nights' sleep. I choke back a sob. The plane falling isn't one of my most common dreams, but it makes me very anxious every time I have it. God, I remember actually thinking that planes weren't that bad...right before I plunged to the Earth. I let out a mirthless laugh. I can't remember a time I've ever been more wrong. I will NEVER ever, ever, ever, _ever_, get on a plane again. If humans were meant to fly, we'd have wings. I take a few more deep breaths, and wipe away the single tear that started to fall.

I lie back down, too worked up to sleep again, but too tired to do anything. I look at my clock to my right. 3:37. Well, at least I a got a couple of hours of sleep. My appointment isn't until nine o'clock, five and a half hours later. I decide to do something I heard my therapist mention before I quit going. I think she said that a way to help a reoccurring dream is to change it. Just change the outcome. It's that simple. I remember scoffing at how ridiculous that sounded. Why think about things going differently when there's no way of changing it? Not long after that, I stopped showing up to my sessions. However, I did try this the other night and it was kind of nice, in a depressing sort of way... I made up a happy little story in my head and it sort of takes away all the horrible things that happened, at least for a little while. Deciding that it couldn't hurt, I start my story in my head, imagining all the things playing out in my head like a movie projected on the inside of my eyelids.

I think about the plane landing safely in Idaho. We work quickly and efficiently and board the patients onto the plane with ease. The flight home is a little bumpy, but overall not horrible. We land in Seattle and start making our way to the hospital. The surgery takes hours and we hit a few snags on the way, but in the end it's a success. The twins will survive. After a damn good surgery, Mark invites me to get drinks with the rest of the doctors. I readily agree. I run up to the attending's locker room and change into my street clothes. I look at myself in the mirror and smile. Even though it's extremely casual, I look pretty damn good. I've got on a pair of dark jeans, black puma tennis shoes, and a gray v-neck t-shirt. I head out of the locker room and make my way for the exit. Mark told me he'd be at Joe's bar, which was just across the street. I had been there once, and could tell it was a nice hang out for doctors. Once I get there, I take it in. The atmosphere is relaxed and comfortable. I see Mark and make my way over to his table. He introduces me to the doctors that weren't on the plane, Callie is one of them. She looks rather sad and doesn't seem to be paying much attention, so I try to make eye-contact and smile at her, but she doesn't see me. She excuses herself and I see her head to the bathroom. I frown, wondering what could make such a beautiful creature so upset. I follow her into the bathroom after a few minutes and introduce myself, figuring she had zoned out when Mark did it. I can tell she had been crying. I think of the rumors I heard and tell her so. I tell her that there will be a line of people waiting for her. She doesn't believe me, so I kiss her. I kiss her and then I leave to let her think.

At that thought, I feel myself blush and decide to end my little daydream. No sense in making it too crazy. It's not like I would have ended up marrying her or anything. I let out a deep breath. In a perfect world, that's how my day would have gone. However, I do not live in a perfect world, and that is not what happened. Nope, now no one would want to kiss me…let alone marry me. I look at the clock and see that an hour has passed. I let out a small sigh. Being awake for so long sure plays hell with your mind. All I can think are depressing thoughts. With a huff I sit up. I know I'm not going to go to sleep again, so I might as well do something useful.

Thinking of some of the easier exercises I can do, I lay on my back. I start with my hamstring stretch. I leave my stub flat on the bed and lift my right leg towards me. I hold my thigh and pull it towards me while keeping my leg straight for twenty seconds. After holding it, I put my leg back down to rest before doing it again. The exercises are tedious and can sometimes be painful, but I know that I have to do them in order to get any semblance of my life back. It took me a long time to except that and I'm still bitter about it, but eventually Teddy slapped some sense into me. Literally. She slapped me. I was fuming for days after she did that, but secretly I appreciated it. I hate the pity that comes with losing a limb, but Teddy treats me the same as she did before I lost it; which is not tolerating any of my shit.

Teddy is my life saver. I don't yell at her as much anymore, but I don't really talk or smile or laugh either. It's all I can do not to yell. Teddy and I worked at John Hopkins together and she supported me in my decision to move to Seattle after Tim died and I broke up with my kind of girlfriend. We still talked plenty and everything, but I missed her and I could tell she missed me. Then the plane crashed and I lost a leg. When I was still missing in the woods she flew out to be with my parents. When they found me she stayed for a bit but had to go back to Hopkins. I didn't know it until a week and a half after she left, but she was actually transferring to Seattle so she could stay with me, knowing that I would probably kill my parents and that they would let me kill them. She really stepped up and has been helping me recover since.

I move on to my next stretch. I reach to the other side of my bed and grab a towel that's left there for this purpose. I roll it up and set it under my right leg. I then very carefully and gently start to turn over onto my stomach. My stub is now resting on the towel and is stretching my hip flexor muscle. This stretch hurts so much. I can feel it stretching and it pinches slightly when muscles are getting pulled in ways they're not used to being pulled. I hold it there for twenty seconds before gingerly turning back onto my back to rest. I have to do this three more times, and each time it gets slightly easier. I continue to work my stub and leg until I glance at the clock and see that it's seven-thirty and I should start getting ready.

I'm starting to get extremely anxious. Teddy is at work, but will be here at eight-thirty to pick me up and help me to the hospital. Lucky for us my apartment is about a block away from the hospital so it won't take us too long to get there.

On the other side of the bed, near where I had grabbed the towel is my outfit for the day. It's easier for me to dress on the bed, so I prepared my outfit last night and left it where I could easily get it. I grab the yoga pants that reach my calf. I like them because they cover up my stub and will be easy to roll up so the physical therapist can look at it. I slip my leg into the right hole and pull it up as high as I can; I then lay down and lift my butt the best I can to pull them up the rest of the way, the stub sliding in, leaving a lot of empty material. I remove my night-shirt and grab my bra putting it on with ease, as well as my white tank top. I lean across the bed again and grab a black hoodie, my new go-to comfort wear. I carefully move from the bed to my wheel chair. I wince as I jostle my stub a little too roughly. I start to roll my way into the living room to wait for Teddy. I reach over to the arm of the couch where the last piece of my outfit is sitting.

I grab my shoe, as in singular. I look at it. It really is a nice shoe. Nike brand. Really comfortable, arch support, light. The color is black with nice neon red laces. Anyone would be jealous of this shoe. I continue to stare at it and wonder what happened to the left shoe. I guess I really don't have a need for it…obviously. I bet my right shoe gets lonely. Shoe, I'm going to do amazing with the prosthetic, and someday your partner will be with you once more. I scoff at myself. Talking to a shoe Arizona? Yeah...you're not crazy, I think to myself. However, as silly as it is, I like it. It's a nice goal and I don't have to worry about disappointing anyone if I don't reach it. So as I sit here and wait for Teddy, I stare at the shoe on my foot and make a silent vow to use its equal some day.

I look over at the door when I hear the door knob wiggling. After another second it opens, and Teddy's face appears, and she lets herself in. "Ready Arizona?" she asks with a smile on her face.

All good shoe feelings are gone once I see her smile. I narrow my eyes. Why is she smiling? This isn't something to smile about. A prosthetic fitting means that I lost something important, something I can't get back and I'm suddenly supposed to move on. This is not a happy time. Damn her and her smile. 'I'm Teddy Altman and I am just so happy my friend who tragically lost her leg has to get ready for a fake one now' I say in a sarcastic tone in my mind. I bite my tongue however, and set my jaw. I give her a tight nod in response. She comes behind me and starts to push me towards the elevator. I stare at the floor as the doors close. I can hear Teddy making small talk, but I don't listen. I'm too focused on hiding my pain and fear. It's not my fault the best disguise is anger.

Once we make it to the hospital, Teddy parks and helps me into the chair. She has a big truck, so it makes it near impossible for me to do by myself. She starts to steer me to the entrance, stopping outside the door for a second.

I didn't say anything, but Teddy must sense my nerves and is giving me a second to gather my thoughts. Once I go in that door, there's no going back. I stare at the glass door and nod, knowing Teddy is watching me. I jerk forward as she starts to push me inside. I take another deep breath. Here goes nothing.

**AN: Wow! I was not expecting this many follows, faves or reviews! Let me just say Thank-you so much! I'm actually kind of worried I won't live up to expectations now...but I'll do my best to appease you :) I love reviews and I'd love to answer any questions you have. (Also, updates will probably not be this frequent, nor this long...but I got really excited with all the follows/reviews and just had to write more.) Enjoy!**


	3. Chapter 3

I can feel myself slowly coming back to consciousness. Why the hell am I so sore? I sit up and look around. Oh. That's why. I fell asleep on the dinky little couch again. I stretch, and groan as I hear and feel my back crack a few times. Whew. That feels a bit better.

I pick my cell phone off the floor and check the time. It's seven-thirty in the morning. I groan. That is way too early. I look over at the hospital bed and let out a sad sigh. It's almost been two months and he's still out. I worry that he won't ever wake up. I shuffle over to the bed and stare at Mark for a few seconds. He doesn't really look like Mark. Not without his signature smirk and the humorous twinkle in his eyes. I miss my best friend so badly. I don't know who to talk to anymore. I mean, Lexi and I have certainly become closer, but no one understands me like Mark.

It's become a routine, me staying with him every Friday night before I get up for work on Saturday. At first, Lexi and I hardly ever left his bedside. One of us was here with him almost twenty-four hours a day. But then it became apparent he wasn't going to wake up anytime soon. Gradually we started to venture out of the room. I still stop in at least once a day and say hello. However Fridays are when I sleepover in his room and catch him up on everything that's going on. I talk to him about my life and ask him for advice. He never responds.

I lean over and kiss Mark's forehead. "I miss you." I tell him. I stand up straight and head out the door. I start to make my way to the locker room so I can shower and change before my rounds. It takes me about five minutes to get there and I head straight for my locker. Inside I have an extra change of scrubs and a bag for shower stuff. I find an empty shower cubicle and start to undress. I lift my Seattle Grace hoodie over my head first, and then remove my shirt and bra. I start to unbutton my jeans...I frown. Jeans? I shake my head, I must have been too lazy to change out of them last night. Shrugging to myself, I continue to strip until I'm left standing in my birthday suit.

Standing off to the side and pointing the nozzle away from me, I turn the shower on. I stick my hand underneath and wait for it to warm up. After a minute, the temperature is just under scorching. I smile. Just the way I like it. Standing under the stream, I let myself soak. I let the water wash away all my problems. That's why I love showers so much, I muse; they let me forget everything for a little while and let me just _be._ I grab my shampoo and squeeze a generous amount into my hands and start to lather my head. I enjoy the massage my fingers are giving my head and breathe deeply, enjoying the sensation. After I'm foamed up, I rinse. I do the same with the conditioner and leave it in while I wash my body. I work the soap into my loofah and start to run it over my body. While I wash, I think about what I have to do today. If I remember correctly, I have a patient who's supposed to start his physical therapy today, so I definitely have to head over that way and check up on him. I think I have a couple of hip replacements later and I know I put aside a couple of hours to continue on my research. I sigh, overall, another boring day. I start to rinse off my body, and then clean the conditioner out of my hair. Grabbing my towel, I dry my hair. Once it's no longer dripping I pat down my body until I'm dry enough to put on clothes.

My clothes for today are the same as every other day. Black boy-short panties, black bra. I put on my long sleeve undershirt. It's cream colored today. I can't help but grin at my new scrubs, still on a high from my promotion a week ago. I slip into the navy blue pants and pull the shirt on over my head. I look around and find my lab coat. I roll the sleeves past my elbow then push the sleeves of my undershirt up as well. I don't like feeling like my sleeves are in the way. I glance in the mirror and nod to myself. This is as good as it's going to get. I don't usually wear make-up, at least not as often as I used to. I find it takes too much time and always ends up looking questionable by the end of the day... maybe laziness has something to do with it too…really, who knows?

Onward to coffee. It's eight-fifteen, and I have a fifteen minutes to get my coffee and start rounds, and coffee is a must. I don't understand people who can function without coffee. If I go even an hour without it in the morning, I get a headache from caffeine withdrawal. I've got it bad. I hop into the elevator and ride it down to the first floor, where the coffee cart is. I smile as it comes into view. I am so close to getting my morning nectar I can taste it. It's all I can do not to skip over to it...I probably would if it wouldn't ruin my bad ass reputation. Because bad asses don't skip like giddy school children.

I arrive to the cart and place my order and within a minute I'm holding it between my hands and inhaling the smell. I take a sip. That's the stuff. I am in full function mode now and I make my way back inside to grab my charts and to delegate stuff to my residents. Once I get to the desk and grab the charts, I look through them quickly. Glancing at the clock, I see that my residents should be here any second now...I glance down the hall, and sure enough, there they are.

"Alright. Smith, you're in charge of post ops" I hand her three charts. "Samuels, I want you to take the MacGuff girl up to get x-rays, I want to see how her arm is healing and if the cast can come off or if I should put on a new one."

"Yes ma'am."

I glare at him.

"I mean...Doc-Doctor Torres. Yes, Doctor Torres," he stumbles, forgetting not to call me ma'am. I am not old. I do not get ma'am-ed. I give him my signature stare and he looks confused. I jerk my head to the side, and he finally takes the hint and leaves.

"Oookay then" I mumble under my breath. "Murphy, prep Mrs. O'Conner for her hip replacement surgery this afternoon, and Anderson, take the other hip replacement...Mr. Rees." I look up from my chart and smile when I see them all scatter. I love being in charge. Telling people what to do and watching them do it is something I could definitely get used to.

I go back to my chart. I did a surgery on a young boy who snapped his tibia in football practice a few months ago. He's only a sophomore in high school, but he had extreme skills on the field, so when this happened, his parents sought me out to see if I can get him fully functional again. They told me there was a good chance if he kept going to the way he is, he could get a full ride. Naturally, I was a rock star with a scalpel and with a lot of hard work and physical therapy, he should be good as new and playing football again in no time. We bonded before and after his surgery and he confided in me his nerves about PT and wondering if he would be able to do well or not. I promised him I'd be there for his first appointment. I start to make my way to physical therapy.

The physical therapy area is actually quite close to my usual work area…mostly because cases in orthopedics end up need a lot of physical therapy. Conveniently, it's on the ground floor under the orthopedics department. Just an elevator ride down. I step out, and turn left. I'm heading down the hall and walk into the third door on the right. I look up and there's my boy. "Mitchell!" I say with a smile on my face.

He looks up and grins. "Hey Doctor Torres!"

"How are you feeling? Ready to start getting your life back?" I ask, my smile growing when I see excitement flash in his eyes. Yeah, he's so ready to get back on the field.

"You bet!" His face changes and his tone becomes serious. "You do think I'll be able to play like I used to, right?" he asks me again.

My heart breaks at the nervousness in his voice. I stare into his eyes so that he'll believe what I'm about to say. "I don't think you'll be able to play like you used to..." I watch as his face falls, and can't help but grin as I finish, "I _know_ you'll be able to play like you used to. You are an incredibly strong young man, and a hard worker. Other people? I wouldn't be so sure…but you? I've gotten to know you, and with determination like yours, I have no doubt you'll be a rock star again." I smile one of my signature smiles at him. He's a good kid, and I've really taken a shine to him.

I watch him as he returns the smile. Soon his physical therapist comes in and they get to work. I stay and watch for about a half-hour before I start getting antsy, and ready to go. Mitchell seems to be doing fairly well so I wait to make eye contact with him. I smile when he finally looks up at me. His return grin is a little pained, more like a grimace, but definitely there.

"How're you doing Mitchell?" I ask "Think you'll be okay if I duck out? If you still want me to stay, I can though…" I tell him, not wanting him to think I was abandoning him.

"Sure Doctor Torres," he forces a smile through the pain, and I can't help but think how strong he is. "Sampson seems to be all right," I can see the twinkle in my eye as he says it.

"Hey! I am way more than 'All right' dude. Not cool." I laugh at Sampson's response, glad that the two are getting along. Sometimes patients and therapists don't get along and when that happens, it usually ends badly.

"Alright, well then I'll leave you two boys at it. Page me if you need anything, I'm working all day, and unless I'm in surgery, I should be able to come." I say with a chuckle and turn to head out the door. I start to walk down the hall way, intent on getting some paperwork done. It's scary how fast it piles up. As I'm walking I look in the rooms as I pass, and when I come to the third door, I stop.

Inside is probably the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen, and it breaks my heart at how defeated she looks. I know exactly who she is. Arizona Robbins. I remember spotting her a few times around work and picking my jaw off the ground before anyone noticed. Then the plane crash happened. Ruining everything. Fucking stupid crash… The crash hurt so many people, and Arizona lost a leg, and she hardly ever comes to the hospital anymore. Not that I really blame her…she has a lot to recover from, mentally, emotionally, _and _physically. I've been wanting to talk with her though. Not only because she's smoking hot (I mean who wouldn't want to be _at least _friends with her?), but also to offer her friendship or a shoulder to cry on. I can't even imagine what she must be going through, but I can tell she's strong.

I know how difficult it can be for new amputees, even ones who didn't go through what she did, and I know that it can be a difficult change. I can remember multiple times when people who where healing lashed out and pushed everyone they knew away. They do it because they hate seeing the people they love see them in such a vulnerable and weak position. God…she must be incredible to be able to handle this at all…I'm sure I would've called it quits by now. I let out a sigh. I would do anything to see her smile. From what I remember, she has the most magical smile…

I give a little jump when she looks up at me. I give a small smile, realizing that I've been staring a little too long. The instant her eyes make contact with mine, her eyes go wide and all the color instantly drains from her face. Just as quickly, her face grows redder and redder in a deep blush. I frown, wondering why she's so flustered. I get even more confused when she blatantly looks away, resolutely staring straight ahead. Huh…

After a few more moments, it becomes apparent that she's done with me, and I sulk off. I wonder if it's something I did that made her so upset. I shrug to myself and decide to get back to work.

My day moves rather slowly, and no matter how hard I try, I can't get Arizona out of my head. She looked almost embarrassed to see me…but I don't know why. I mean, I've never even spoken to her. Unless… Oh God. What if she caught me drooling over her when she first came here!? She's probably as straight as they come, and here I am ogling over her. God, no wonder she turned so red. And then here I was staring at her again! She must think I'm a creep. I mean, even if she was gay, which I find highly unlikely, it's not like she'd be interested in a relationship with me. Hell, she probably already has a boyfriend…or heaven forbid…what if she's married!? Whoa…slow down there Callie, it's not like you're going to ever marry the woman. I shake my head at the ridiculous thought. However, I can't help but let my mind go there…what's the harm in a little fantasy? I mean, she would make a gorgeous bride. I smile at the thought, which quickly becomes a frown. What the hell am I thinking? I don't even know her. I need to get some coffee. Now.

I shake the image of Arizona in a white dress and start to make my way to the coffee cart. I concentrate on walking. Left. Right. Left. Right. That's it, just concentrate on walking. Coffee. More coffee. I think of coffee. Coffee always makes me feel better. The hot liquid making its way down my throat, warming and waking me up at the same time. I don't understand people who don't drink coffee. How do they function? I grin when my favorite coffee cart comes into view. I get in line, and I can't help but grin even wider when I reach the cash register and they hand me my coffee. I smirk. They know my order. I quickly down it after paying and continue on with my day, with an extra pep in my step.

The rest of the day goes by just as slowly as the first half, and just before my shift is over I find myself walking towards the physical therapy rooms. I mosey on over to the desk and start to peruse the charts and files…I may or may not be looking for a particular blonde's folder. I flip through them one by one until…Gotcha! Arizona Robbins. I quickly take it out and look over the notes, as a concerned doctor of course. I flinch when I read the part where she refused treatment until it was almost too late. Finally I come to what I want. Her PT schedule. She comes in twice a week for physical therapy, on Tuesdays and Saturdays. And it looks like today was her prosthetic fitting. Huh…no wonder she was so seemed a little out of it; a prosthetic is a big step…especially for someone who was so firmly against amputation. I frown at the thought of what she must be going through. I wonder how big her support system is. Obviously her parents…and I think that new doctor…Teddy something? I think she came here for her. But other than that? She couldn't have made very many friends the week she was here before the crash. Three people aren't very much at all. I mean, unless she's in a relationship…it's not like I know her life. I really need to stop speculating. Though…I may just have to check in on her, see how she's doing. I mean…I'm an orthopedic surgeon, I deal with amputations all the time…It only makes sense I check in on her.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

I put her papers back in the folder and put it back on the shelf. I will just see what's happening this Tuesday and I may or may not swing by the physical therapy department around nine and see if she happens to be there. Like she should. Yup, I'm not a stalker or anything. I look up at the clock and smile when I see my work day is finally over. It's about damn time.

A few minutes later I walk into the locker room and change into my street clothes and start to make my way to the seventh floor. The long-term care floor. I press the up button for the elevator and step back to wait for it. After a minute, it finally dings and opens wide.

Inside are a few doctors and nurses going wherever and I notice one of them is that new cardio doctor…Teddy! Hmm…I should really learn her last name. I smile at her as I step in and stand next to her. She returns the smile and reaches out her hand.

"Hi! I'm Doctor Altman, but everyone calls me Teddy. You're Doctor Torres, right?"

I raise my eyebrows in surprise. I can't believe she knows who I am. "Yeah, that would me…but you can call me Callie."

She must notice my shock because she quickly explains, "I did a lot of research before coming here…especially in the orthopedic department and your name came up quite a few times. You're doing some impressive work! Not to mention Cristina is on my service and may have mentioned you a couple of times."

I grimace at that…I can only imagine what Cristina was saying at me. "I gotcha. So orthopedic department? Aren't you some cardio god?"

"Yes, cardio is definitely my baby," she grins, "but my, uh, my friend…Arizona Robbins? You know her, right? At least heard of her?" She continues after I nod. "She was on the plane crash and had her leg amputated, and I wanted to make sure she would get the best care here."

"I understand. Seattle Grace is definitely one of the top ranking hospitals; she'll definitely get looked after here. And I'm sorry about her being in the crash. You must be a pretty amazing friend if you moved here to help her…and I know it's not easy for you either. My best friend was in that crash too…In fact, I'm going up to see him now."

She gives me a look of pure empathy, confirming how tough this has been on her as well. "Yeah, we've been close all through undergrad and then medical school. She's like family, and I'd do anything for her…And I'm sorry about your friend, how's he doing?" My face drops at the mention of Mark's status, and she quickly back tracks. "Sorry, if it's too much, you don't have to tell me."

"No, no, it's okay. He's in a coma right now. He's definitely had some brain activity, but he hasn't woken up yet and we're not too sure why. We're keeping our fingers crossed though." I say with a semi-confident nod.

The elevator finally reaches the seventh floor and opens; I look around, noticing that the elevator is mostly empty now. I turn to Teddy, "Well, this is my stop. It was really nice finally meeting you Teddy, maybe we can do coffee sometime soon?"

"Oh, that would be great! It was nice meeting you too Callie!" She smiles one last time before the doors close, separating us. I turn around and start to make my way to room 7008. When I reach the door, I stay outside, just staring at it. This never gets easier…no matter how many times I visit him; it always drains me to see him this way. I take a big gulp of air and hold it for a second before letting it out in a huff. I reach forward and open the door.

I walk inside and sit in the chair next to Mark's bed. I look him over. He looks the same as this morning. Like he's sleeping… I look around the room and notice a new card joined the others on the table. I lift myself out of my seat slightly, reaching for the card to see who sent it. Once I grab it, I sit back down. My eyes open in shock when I read the front of the card. It has a curvy woman in a skimpy robe and bra on the front with a speech bubble that says 'Hey! Don't you have better things to be doing in a bed?' I can't help but let out a laugh. This card is _so_ Mark. I open it and look inside. It's a simple 'Get Well Soon,' and underneath in a quick scrawl is written 'You really need to wake up. You promised me. Arizona.'

I gape at the name signed at the bottom. Arizona? I laugh, wondering how in the world she found the perfect card for Mark. I mean…I know they were on the plane together, but…to pick this card, if I didn't know any better I'd say they'd been friends for years. I look up at Mark. "What did you two get up to on the plane?" I ask him. I know better than to expect an answer, but I stare at him, waiting, anyway. I feel myself frown when I think of the way they must have become close after the plane went down. That has to be the worst way to get to know someone. To be stranded and injured, waiting to be rescued. I can only imagine how they would have all leaned on each other for support. I bend forward close to him. "I don't know the details of what went down Mark, and to be honest, I may never know…but apparently you made a promise. And I know you're a man of your word," I furrow my eyebrows, "Well…usually. Anyway, you've got a lot of people waiting here for you to get better. In fact," I lean in even closer, and whisper into his ear, "I even heard about ten different nurses talk about how much they miss you…like _nurses. _You know, the nurses that caused a rebellion against the hospital because of your bed-hopping ways?" I sit up straighter, chuckling to myself. "It's true. Even they miss 'man-whore' Mark. Obviously not as much as Lexi…who by the way is really struggling. Hell, we're all struggling. And apparently you've charmed Arizona in the short amount of time you guys had together…so there's someone else you need to wake up for." I stop talking, not really sure what else to say. I stand up after my stomach growls, reminding me that I have hardly eaten anything all day. I lean down and kiss him on the cheek. "I miss you so much."

With that I get up and walk to the door. Before I exit, I look at him one last time and whisper "Please wake up…" There's no movement, just the beeping of the machines he's hooked up to. After another moment, I turn and leave.

**AN: Thank you all so much for the follows, reviews, and favorites! It truly means a lot! I really, really love reviews (and they honestly help me write a little quicker), so if you have a moment, please leave your thoughts! :) I also just realized I forgot to mention in the last chapters that I do not own any of the characters or places. I'd also like to give a shout out to my friend that helped me edit the italicized portion of the last chapter (you know who you are). I hope you enjoy this story, and again, thank-you for reading! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

I'm staring straight ahead at the wall. Today is so much worse than I feared. My prosthetist just walked into the back room to discuss the results of my fitting with a doctor. It was so painful and the son of a bitch physical therapist was making jokes. Who the hell does that? I am missing a limb buddy! Right after I got my leg _forcibly_ removed, I vaguely remember the prosthetist coming in and discussing what I want for the future. I don't really remember what I agreed to because I was so out of it, but Teddy was there and was listening for me. I should really ask her. After they measured and fit me, they wanted me to try to stand. So try I did. For nothing but pain and humiliation. I think that's because a small part of me, the illogical part of me, thought I could do this easily and quickly with minimal pain. Of course, I couldn't even hold my own weight and I couldn't stand for more than a few seconds. How in the world will I ever be able to stand for _hours_ if I can't even stand for a few seconds? I don't know if I can do this…

I feel someone's eyes on me and look up. There in the doorway staring at me is Calliope Torres. I can feel the color drain from my face…I can't believe she's seeing me like this. My stub is out! Shit shit shit. As quickly as the color drained, I start to feel my face heat up as I blush furiously. I _dream_ about this woman. She's the closest thing to a fantasy I have these days. What if she can somehow tell? We keep eye contact as these thoughts fly through my head. However, very quickly my shame and embarrassment turns to anger. I snap my head forward, purposely avoiding her gaze. Who is she to stare at me? I don't want her pity stare, which I'm sure is why she was staring at me. Feeling sorry for me. She probably just thinks I'm this weak invalid…incapable of doing anything.

This breaks my heart. The woman I'm infatuated with pities me. I don't see any other reason for her to stare at me. Because good lord, I know it's not because she finds me attractive. Once upon a time it would be because I'm hot…but not anymore. I'm just gross now. I just want to go home…I wonder how much longer I'm going to be he…

"Alright Dr. Robbins, your prosthetic will be measured and adjusted and ready for pick-up tomorrow. Your physical therapist will help you with stretches and exercises to help you adjust today, as well as go over prosthetic care. It will be difficult at first, but with time it should get easier. You'll keep working with this one until your follow-up…so make sure you keep track of things you like and don't like, so that we can make changes to your prosthetic and make it more comfortable for you." My doctor tells me. She's about ten years older than me and very straight forward. She doesn't try to make small talk with me, which I appreciate. I'm glad I got to switch to her, because I refused to work with the man who cut off my leg.

"Yeah…comfortable." I say sarcastically, adding a huff just to make sure they get my sarcasm. Things I like or don't like? I don't like any of this. In fact, I hate it all. I shouldn't have to do this.

"Okay. Well, I will see you for your follow up in a month's time. By then you should be able to walk fairly easily and it will be easier to find what needs to be adjusted. Have a good afternoon Dr. Robbins." With that she turns away from me and leaves.

I watch her as she goes and then turn back towards my physical therapist. She begins to walk me through the do's and don'ts of a prosthetic…there's really quite a lot to remember. Like, wash the socket everyday as well as the sock and lining. Don't use alcohol to wash it. Make sure it is completely dry before putting it on. Put it on when you wake up in the morning so that your 'limb' doesn't swell, making for a tight fit. And blah blah blah, so on and so forth. Luckily, there's a handy-dandy brochure I get with all these rules. I just nod along with my therapist, not really listening until she motions for me to lean back so she can help me with some new stretches and adjustments for old stretches. Another half hour passes and I'm ready to go once Teddy gets here.

The physical therapist helps me into my wheel chair. I grimace at all the movement. I'm extra sore now, and it's not going to let up any time soon. I jump when Sydney starts talking to me again. "Now, I will see you tomorrow, and it should only be for thirty minutes tops. Just bring your shoes…_both_ of them, and we'll be able to adjust the height so that your hips will be aligned properly" Well shit. I don't have any idea where my other shoe is. I was not planning on needing it so soon…but I guess I should have. Stupid, stupid, stupid… I'm a _doctor_, did I really forget basic stuff like this? "Doctor Robbins?"

I look up suddenly at Sydney, who had apparently been talking to me. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?"

She laughs, and I quickly narrow my eyes and tighten my jaw. "It's no problem, I was just telling you that Teddy is coming down the hall and I will see you tomorrow!"

I don't even acknowledge her, and she must get the hint because she turns around and goes back into her office. A couple of seconds later Teddy is there and is starting to wheel me out of the room. I suddenly remember that Callie had been watching me earlier and I turn beet red. God…I don't know if I'll ever be able to keep my promise to Mark now. Not if she just thinks of me as this pathetic gimp.

Teddy isn't talking, but rather concentrating on getting me back home. With my thoughts on Mark, I start to feel bad. I haven't been to see him. "STOP!" I shout, my mouth twitching at how badly I made Teddy jump…serves her right.

"What the Hell, Arizona!? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" she pauses, "wait…don't answer that. So, why are we stopping?"

I point to the gift shop that we were just about to pass on our way out, "I want to get a card for someone." She starts to turn my chair to head into the store. "No. I want to do it myself." She looks at me very hesitantly and I snap "I'm not helpless! I've got arms and am plenty capable of moving this wheel chair by myself! Go get a coffee or something" And with that, I jerk my arms down and start to wheel myself into the gift shop. I feel bad for overreacting at Teddy, but really. I am not going to die if I try to do this by myself…besides it's none of her business what I get and who I give it to.

I make my way over to the cards. Scanning the card rack, I finally spot the 'Get Well Soon' section. Wheeling myself over as close as I can I start browsing the selection looking for the perfect card. I frown. They're all rather pathetic. Pastel colors and pretty flowers decorating the outside with a heartfelt script written on the outside and inside. Those won't do. Then I spot it. I can't help the smile when I spot the busty woman in a robe and brassière. But damn it! It's just a little out of my reach. Sticking my tongue out in concentration, I reach up towards it and wiggle my fingers…until…GOT IT! Yes! I mentally high-five myself. Yeah, that's right; I don't need anyone but myself. My smile falters when I realize I didn't get an envelope with it. Shrugging, I just snatch one of the envelopes for the other cards that are within my reach.

I roll over to the checkout counter and grab a 90 cent pen that's at the register. I need something to sign it with…I check out quickly and start to wheel myself out of the store and towards the elevator. Once inside I hit the button for the seventh floor. I know that's where long-term patients go, so I'll just ask a nurse when I get up there what room he's in.

Next thing I know, I'm sitting outside his room. Room 7008. I take a deep breath and push open the door. I struggle for a minute, holding it open and wheeling in. So eventually I give up and set my hands on the wheels, ready for action and kick the door open with my existing leg. Before the door has time to close, I quickly roll into the room. I smirk to myself…I am totally rocking today. I move over to his bed and seeing him lying in the bed, unconscious really messes with me and suddenly…

_It's dark outside and the wolves are howling close by. I'm shivering; the night's becoming unbearably cold. I look down to my lap, at Mark's face. He doesn't look good at all. I choke back a sob. We're all just going to die out here and be eaten my animals. Why does life have to suck so much? I notice Mark's breathing slow and panic, "MARK! MARK!" I shout, shaking him a bit. My leg doesn't even register the movement, it's so numb now. His eyes open, barely a slit. "MARK! You need to stay awake! You need to stay awake Mark!" I shout at him, repeating it over and over again. He can't leave me. We have to get back together…we, we have plans. "Mark, think of Lexie!" He manages the smallest of smiles._

"_Lexie?" he groans. "I really like Lexie…" he whispers._

"_I know you do. I know. And you need to hang on for her, alright? Remember, you...you need to propose to her and live happily ever after. So you don't get to die on me Mark, you don't get to die on Lexie!" I say, really not sure how I'm not sobbing right now. "Promise me Mark; promise me you'll hold on so you can ask Lexie to be your wife. PROMISE ME!"_

_He squeezes his eyes closed in pain. And opens his mouth to speak, but doesn't. After a moment, he groans and opens his eyes, looking at me…and despite all this, despite all the pain we're in, he pulls out his signature smirk. I can't believe that I see that damn twinkle in his eyes. "I will…I will if you do."_

_Okay, he's completely lost me…has he gone mental? "Mark, what are you talking about? I don't want to marry Lexie, I don't even know Lexie!" I let out a choked sob, thinking he's finally lost it._

"_No…You-Hmmm. You idiot." He groans loudly, "I'll promise to hold on and ask Lexie...Mmh. If you-If you promise to ask Torres…On...A date," he gets out between big huffs of air. I can't help but laugh. He's seriously doing this? Holding his life on the line until I promise to ask out Callie? I can't help but think that it's an easy promise to make if it means he'll promise to hold on._

"_Okay," I say, letting out another small laugh, "I promise."_

"_Good. And I promise too." He grins, though it quickly turns to a grimace, and next thing I know, he's unconscious and I'm sobbing._

I wipe a tear from my mind as I watch him lay there. "God damn it, Mark…You promised me. And if you don't wake up, I swear I'll kill you." I whisper to him. Sighing, I grab my new pen and quickly scrawl a message in the card and place it next to all the others. I sit there for a while longer before deciding it's best if I leave. I don't want to run into anyone, especially Callie.

By the time I roll myself into the lobby to a waiting Teddy, I've erased all signs of my emotional break-down. She looks at me and gives me an understanding smile, and for once, I don't frown at her or narrow my eyes, but instead suck in my lips and give a couple of nods. She goes behind me, I jerk forward at the movement and she helps me home.

XXX

The next day, I am a big ball of hurt. Not only did the fitting and physical therapy make me sore, but using my arms to wheel myself all over that damn hospital have my arms unbelievably sore too. However, here I am anyway, outside the physical therapist's room with my shoes. It was incredibly hard to find my left one. Teddy and I tore up my whole apartment until she found it in a forgotten trashcan next to the couch. That in itself was embarrassing when she found it and raised an eyebrow at me. Quite honestly, I don't remember it, so I'm not entirely convinced it was me who threw it in there. Of course, when I told Teddy that, she said I was 'unbelievable' or whatever…So what if it was me? I had every right to angrily throw that shoe away! At the time it was no use to me…

Now, it sits in my lap and I'm going to get to use it again. Yippee. Just as I'm about to push open the door, it opens, and there in front of me is Calliope. I freeze, not really sure what to do. She smiles at me, and I can't help but melt a little. "Hello," she tells me.

"Hh..Hey," I stutter. Too embarrassed, I look down at my lap, refusing to look up again.

"Umm…Okay then. I'll see you around," she tells me. I don't do anything. I can't do anything. She spoke to me. That's not what's hard to comprehend, but rather, the fact that when she spoke to me, she didn't seem to have an ounce of pity in her voice. How can that possibly be? I mean, isn't that why she was staring yesterday? Out of disgust and pity? Confused in my own thoughts, I didn't register that Sydney had already dragged me into the room.

"Got both of your shoes?" she asks me, making me look up from my lap. I just nod, holding up my shoe as proof. "Good, now I'll put it on the prosthetic and then we can get started and help you adjust the height and align your hips."

"Okay," I mumble. I really don't want to be here now. I'd much rather be at home, pondering Callie's reaction and voice and figure out why she would be staring at me if not giving me pity looks.

After Sydney puts my shoe on the prosthetic foot, she helps me slide my stump into the socket. It's a rather tight fit because my stump has already swollen a bit today, but it's bearable…at least while sitting. I frown when I see her bring the bars over to the table…this will not be any kind of fun. But then, when is it? It's never fun losing a vital part of your body. "Alright, Doctor Robbins, this will probably be rather painful, but we need to be able to line the sockets up right for the height…so I'm gonna need you to stand for a little bit. You can put most of the weight on your arms so you won't be forced to balance for any length of time yet."

"Alright." I try to mentally prepare myself for what my body is about to go through. Nodding my head, I stand. I do take away some of the weight by using my arms, and Sydney quickly adjusts the height of the socket. After a couple of minutes, she's fairly certain she's done…now to test it. I frown and scrunch my face in concentration as I let the weight fall onto my leg and my prosthetic, using the railings for balance. And HOLY HELL does it hurt. My stump is screaming out in pain and I can feel myself break out in a sweat. I remain this way for a couple of minutes while Sydney feels my hips and makes sure they're all good and straight.

"Okay, now let me help you sit back down." As soon as my butt is firmly on the table I let out a huge puff of air. That was intense. "Very good! I know it doesn't seem like much, but look at the difference! Just a week ago, you couldn't stand at all…and now you were able to stand for a couple of minutes. You're moving up in the world Doctor Robbins, and if you keep up the hard work, you'll be able to do just about everything you used to before the accident." She tells me with a sickingly sweet smile on her face, as she helps me down into my wheel chair.

"Yeah. Just about everything, huh?" I am starting to become furious. _Nothing_ is going to be like it used to be! I AM MISSING A DAMN LEG! She has no clue what I'm going through. No one does. I glance at the clock, there's still five minutes before Teddy will be here to get me, but I refuse to be in here with _Sydney_ any longer. "I'm going to go now. I'll see you Tuesday." And with that, I roll out the door.

I wrestle my phone out of my pocket, and rest my hands on top of the gym bag in my lap. I actually have a leg now, and that leg has to go somewhere… I send a quick text to Teddy letting her know I'm done and waiting for her in the Lobby. A few seconds later, I get her reply telling me she's on her way. I sigh and look out the doors. I reminisce about when I actually walked through those doors more than two months ago. It's so unfair. That Arizona didn't know that she wouldn't be able to do that for much longer. Her biggest worries were letting down one night stands and taking care of sick children. It's crazy to think that. It's also painful.

I'm brought out of my thoughts by laughing. One laugh I recognize as Teddy's and the other one is so beautiful, and I have a pretty good idea as to who it belongs to. Turning my head, I see Teddy and Callie enter the lobby laughing about something. Callie's laugh is angelic…I would love to listen to it all day, and I would love even more to be the one making her laugh. But no...I have a missing leg. She wouldn't want to hang out with me. As if to prove my point, she says goodbye to Teddy, glances at me and gives a miniscule wave. She doesn't even walk over here by me. My doubts and insecurities are creeping back in, confirming my fears that she does think I'm pitiful. I turn my head away and look down.

"Hey there Arizona, how'd your appointment go?" she asks, doing her usual routine that I never answer. However for some reason, today I do.

"Sydney's a bitch." I say, leaving it at that. I stop moving all of a sudden; confused I look behind me at Teddy. She's just staring at me. I raise my eyebrows at her and give her a pointed look.

Slowly she smiles and nods, "Yeah, yeah she is." She chuckles and we start to move forward. It's silent for a little while, and I can't take it anymore.

"So…uh…who was that you were with?" obviously I already know, but I don't want to seem creepy.

She just stares at me, mouth slightly ajar.

"What!?" I snap, "Did I stutter? Who were you hanging out with?" I ask, trying to calm my tone into a less hostile one.

"Oh, um. Doctor Callie Torres. We met in the elevator the other day and agreed to get coffee sometime. I bumped into her after dropping you off this morning and we decided to get coffee while I waited," she explains quickly, eager it seems, to please me.

Good thing I'm curious about Callie or I would have clammed up by now. "Oh? And what did you guys talk about?" I ask casually. Apparently not casually enough, because Teddy gives me an inquisitive look. I quickly look away, avoiding eye contact. Teddy _knows_ me and I don't think I'm ready to go into the Calliope Torres fiasco in my head yet.

Seeming to sense this, she continues on. "Weeell…we talked about the hospital and she clarified some of the gossip. We talked about Cristina, her roommate and my protégé…I don't know, not much." Once we get into her truck I can feel her eyes on me, watching me. I don't understand why until "Oh…and she mentioned you." I curse my pale coloring as I feel my face turning red, now realizing what Teddy was watching for. Shit. Now she knows I have some sorta something for the brunette. Stupid, stupid blush. Oh well. Brush it off Robbins, keep moving forward.

"Me?" I ask, failing miserably at the nonchalant act. "What-what about me?"

"Not too much, asked how you were doing and wanted me to thank you for the card you left Mark the other day…she got a real kick out of it and knows Mark would too." Teddy continues on, lucky for me she likes me and isn't pushing for information. "I can't be certain, but I think she was fishing for your relationship status…but I'm never good at reading between the lines, so I'm not positive on that one"

I start coughing uncontrollably. My relationship status!? Does she not realize I am a limb down? I'm not a whole person? Teddy had to be mistaken, didn't she? There's no way… My mind is on Calliope the rest of the day, going over every interaction, no matter how miniscule, over and over and over again, trying to figure out her motives and if she's mentally insane. Because to be asking about my relationship status means she has to have some kind of illness, doesn't it? No one in their right mind could possibly think I'm attractive.

However, despite what I've concluded, as I lie in bed that night, I can't help but let my mind wander to the 'what if's.' What if she does like me? What if she wants to be friends? I could do friends…maybe. My mind starts to make up what a friendship with Calliope would be like and for the first time in months, I fall asleep without a problem.

**AN: Hey guys! Sorry it's been such a long time since I last updated, I had to figure out some last minute school stuff and it was a hassle! But, now it's summer vacation and so hopefully that means faster updates! No promises though ;) Thanks for the reviews, follows and faves! It means a lot! Hope you enjoy! (And I own none of the characters)**


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